To drive your author insane, all you need to do is keep sending revision notes over and over for at least one year. After a year has passed, tell her she is “so close” to be finished, if only she’d “go deeper.”
This will cause your author to scream, cry, doubt she can write, decide her book is crap, hate your guts, hate all editors, hate herself, tear up her contract, frantically tape the contract back together, cry more, and then finally decide she’s not the crazy one, you are.
After that, she will curse all editors everywhere to the lowest depths of hell so that they may spend eternity editing manuscripts written by inept writers who are convinced they’re the greatest authors in the universe. The editors can’t tell the writers to get lost because they’re in hell, and the authors are related to the Devil, who also thinks the writers are the best writers in the universe, therefore the editors must be crap, and therefore punished.
Your author will enjoy this fantasy enormously.
Eventually, the writer will stop hyperventilated enough to sit in her chair and start revising again (again!).
Such is the fate of Shannon Drury, Radical Housewife and newest victim… I mean author… of Medusa. Three years ago I fell in love with her blog, asked for her manuscript, and have been torturing her… I mean helping her… ever since. Shannon’s book is raw, honest, funny, and informative, the perfect mixture for Medusa’s Muse. We are now in the final edits of the book, which is scheduled to launch Summer 2014, and I must say I’m impressed by her dedication. But that means I won’t be able to torture… inspire… her much longer. How sad. I’ll need to find another writer who needs the help of a muse, preferably someone with a mad smile, a twisted heart, and a secret desire to write poetry in the dark.
I wonder if Jack Nicholson wants to write a book?
With deep affection,